Killing Yourself to Live
Every month we go through the same thing at our house. My wife and I get paid, sit down at the kitchen table and spread out the bills. For the first ten minutes or so we are smiling. We have money in the bank now. Hope looms. Three weeks broke and now our account is filled with that precious commodity we know as money.
I write out the checks as my wife writes in our address and stamps the envelopes. We talk about our days and share stories. We laugh. With each passing bill, our smiles grow smaller, we talk less, we are more introspective. By the last bill I am scowling and my wife is almost crying. We go thru this scenario every flippen' month. We are far from poor in the traditional sense, but working poor would be a good way of describing our existence. We treat ourselves to a movie every month or so, but mainly rent videos at a cheap Mom and Pop place down the street. We spend a lot of time reading, on the computer, and watching T.V. We hang out with friends for BBQ's and play cards and board games. When we entertain we almost always serve rice and beans along with some type of meat dish. As much as we understand the healthful ramifications of eating organic the reality of our income has us heading over to Costo a lot of the time. We measure what we do based on what we have in the bank. Our lack of money controls us. No decisions can be made until we check our balance. Even basic things like going out for a yogurt, particualrly at the end of the month, requires consultation with our account. Money or lack thereof controls us. To save electricity from running the A.C. I've opened the refrigerator and sat on the floor in front of it to cool off. It's a sad existance. It's a treatmill and I don't know how to get off of it.
What is incredible to me is how other people manage who have kids and mortgages double what ours is. We live a minimalist lifestyle and still struggle all the time. I mean how do they do it? Are the lifestyles around us propped up by plastic? Are we surrounded by secret lotto winners? I feel a sense of desperation sometime. It seems that around every corner of life there is another bill, another increase, another price to pay for something. It's like a never ending story.
I can't complain. As someone said to me once, if you have your health you are rich. Someone else said that American's homeless people eat better than 80% of the worlds population. Yet, as I trudge upstairs to our office and put away my very thinned out check book every month I can't helping thinking.
I'm killing myself to live.
I write out the checks as my wife writes in our address and stamps the envelopes. We talk about our days and share stories. We laugh. With each passing bill, our smiles grow smaller, we talk less, we are more introspective. By the last bill I am scowling and my wife is almost crying. We go thru this scenario every flippen' month. We are far from poor in the traditional sense, but working poor would be a good way of describing our existence. We treat ourselves to a movie every month or so, but mainly rent videos at a cheap Mom and Pop place down the street. We spend a lot of time reading, on the computer, and watching T.V. We hang out with friends for BBQ's and play cards and board games. When we entertain we almost always serve rice and beans along with some type of meat dish. As much as we understand the healthful ramifications of eating organic the reality of our income has us heading over to Costo a lot of the time. We measure what we do based on what we have in the bank. Our lack of money controls us. No decisions can be made until we check our balance. Even basic things like going out for a yogurt, particualrly at the end of the month, requires consultation with our account. Money or lack thereof controls us. To save electricity from running the A.C. I've opened the refrigerator and sat on the floor in front of it to cool off. It's a sad existance. It's a treatmill and I don't know how to get off of it.
What is incredible to me is how other people manage who have kids and mortgages double what ours is. We live a minimalist lifestyle and still struggle all the time. I mean how do they do it? Are the lifestyles around us propped up by plastic? Are we surrounded by secret lotto winners? I feel a sense of desperation sometime. It seems that around every corner of life there is another bill, another increase, another price to pay for something. It's like a never ending story.
I can't complain. As someone said to me once, if you have your health you are rich. Someone else said that American's homeless people eat better than 80% of the worlds population. Yet, as I trudge upstairs to our office and put away my very thinned out check book every month I can't helping thinking.
I'm killing myself to live.
posted by Luciano at 8:37 AM
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